OCD can be a pervasive and time-consuming disease, affecting the way someone works, plays, eats, thinks and interacts. People with OCD may spend many hours a day focusing on their obsessions and compulsions. It is no wonder that their interpersonal relationships often suffer.
Let's take the hypothetical case of John, who has OCD, and his girlfriend Amy, to illustrate the ways in which OCD can affect a relationship:
- OCD is time-consuming. People with OCD spend anywhere from several minutes to many hours each day on their symptoms. While Amy spends 15 minutes in the shower, John is obsessed with cleanliness and takes a two-hour shower each morning. John rarely has time to feed their dog anymore and is frequently late to work. Amy feels irritated with him and wonders if John is being disrespectful or just lazy. She knows a little about John’s OCD, but does not realize that his slowness is a direct byproduct of it.
- OCD takes focus. Accomplishing tasks at work, or even carrying on a decent conversation, is extremely difficult when one is obsessing. John frequently counts to himself. He counts by threes, and if he makes a mistake, he has to start over again. As he counts, Amy tells him about her day. John cannot really concentrate on what she is saying because he is so distracted by the numbers. Amy thinks he must not be interested in her. She is unaware of his obsessive counting.
- Rigidity is hard to live with. OCD often involves rituals, order and specific actions. Amy has bought groceries for the week, but John feels the need to reorganize all of her purchases. The food must be arranged alphabetically, and the labels must all face the same way. Amy thinks that John is being unappreciative of her, and she wonders why he has to “redo” everything she does around the house.
- OCD may feel embarrassing. OCD sufferers are often secretive about their symptoms, thinking that no one could possibly understand their thoughts, or that others will think they are “crazy.” As a result, John sometimes seems reserved, aloof or even irritable. Finally, John decides he needs to open up to Amy. He tries to explain why he needs to reorganize the pantry, and she begins to understand what he has been going through.
- People with OCD cannot “just snap out of it.” Amy knows more about John’s OCD now, including how distressing it is to him. “Why,” she wonders, “can’t he just stop it then? If he knows his thoughts are so irrational, why doesn’t he just stop them?” Unfortunately, recovery is not necessarily easy or quick. It requires patience from both parties.
- Treatment can be frustrating. Psychiatric treatment, while immensely important, can be time-, money- and energy-intensive. John begins treatment, but improvement does not come quickly. Amy feels frustrated. In addition, the medication John now takes for his OCD is causing sexual side effects. He has no sex drive, and Amy wonders what she is doing wrong. John asks her to attend a few appointments with his psychiatrist. That way, she can provide helpful feedback on John’s progress, and she can stay informed about the treatment plan, medications and what to expect in the future.
While OCD can take its toll on relationships, good, healthy relationships are certainly possible. Both parties should be aware of the potential pitfalls listed above, and both parties should actively work on keeping their relationship strong.