OCD and Romantic Relationships
Monday June 8, 2009
If you have OCD, you know that your symptoms can often get in the way of establishing and maintaining romantic relationships. Many people with OCD are single and those who are in a relationship or are married often report a significant amount of relationship stress. How has your OCD impacted your romantic relationships? Share your experience
Comments
I have never had a serious romantic relationship, largely due to my ocd. There is too much stress, too much I cannot control. I have the occasional lover/playmate/fwb because then I am in charge.
I’ve recently been dating a guy, who is, I guess you can say..the man of my dreams! Our relationship was great until one day we were talking and I made a comment, which he didn’t approve. I tried to tell him I was joking and that I was just trying to gt his attention for a minute. Ever since than its been an uphill battle. We still conversate, and he’ll ask what my plans are, For instance one day he asked what I’ll be doing and I said not much…just thinking about you!! It got silent for a few seconds…so I asked was that bad or good? And he says “indifferent.” I don’t want to lose him!! I am so in love with him…..he is my Romeo that I’ve been searching for. How do I talk to him or try to convince him, that it was just a joke? Is it possible to convince someone with OCD? Is it possible to have it the way it use to be? He’s still very sexual towards me….but other than that…its different. Did I ruin everything? Will I ever get my Romeo back?
for Nicole…
Hey girl, I can tell that you are super into this dude, and I know how you feel.
But here’s the thing, anything you do to try to convince your Romeo that you were kidding about just “thinking about him” is only going to drive him away. This is why. Your “just thinking about you” comment may have come off as obsessive, even though you were just trying to be cute…and let’s face it..he probably really is on your mind all day, but he doesn’t need to know that.
By keeping with it and trying to convince him that you were joking, you only confirn the fact that you were serious. Let me explain. If you weren’t sitting around “thinking about {him}” all day, then you would have already moved on from your little comment, and be thinking about something else.
The fact is that if this guy likes you he is thinking about you a lot too. that is normal, and that could be why he responded to your comment with indifference. You didn’t give him any earth-shattering information, as he is also thinking about you, but you did destroy the mystery in that moment. Even though both of you are thinking about each other, saying so is unnecessary.
But do not dispair! We all say things we regret when we like someone, and if this guy is so set in his ways that he cannot allow you a bit of slack from now and then, then he is more into sizing you up (watching your every move and weighing it carefully to decide whether or not you are the type of girl he can “see himself with”), than he is into loving you. If this is the case, then maybe it’s wise to rethink your choice in partners.
However, if this guy is “worth it”, then he has probably already moved on from your comment, and is just waiting for you to move on as well. It is time for damage control, and that does not mean badgering him into submission.
With men, less is way more. If this guy is still in the picture, don’t be afraid to let him dangle a bit. Don’t always call him back right away. If you are busy, be busy. Put yourself first. Men like to know that they aren’t the only thing on your mind, and when he does track you down and he sees your smiling eyes, he is going to know that you like him but that your life doesn’t revolve around him, and there is nothing more attractive than that.
Let it go. You cannot control this situation. You cannot “unring a bell”, so to speak. Your comment is out there and there is nothing to do about it but move on. I am sure he is not as worried about it as you are, but if you continue to fixate on what you said i can promise you that this relationship will not happen for you.
I suggest you laugh at yourself, take a deep breath, and move on. Otherwise, it would appear that you are dealing with a little love-induced OCD of your own!
Best Regards,
Betsy
Nichole…sorry for mispelling your name